You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
