I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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