I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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