Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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