Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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