a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
