Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
