I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
