Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
