Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
