It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
