you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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