addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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