shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
