And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
