Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
