Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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