Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
