I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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