he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
