What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
