is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
