Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
