i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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