Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
