Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
