1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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