I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
