I bet he comes in French.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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