well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
