I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
