There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
