Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
