I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
we made out on top of his cat.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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