Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
