having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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