I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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