i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
