she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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