"it" just moved
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
