I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Randomize