You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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