Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
