what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I need moral support for this bender
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
