Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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