O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
