the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
