i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
