rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
