and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
