arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
