i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
