hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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