Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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