I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
