Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
