Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
