I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
