Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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