i think my mom watched the whole time
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
