moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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