Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
