You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he shaved USA in his pubs
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I AM VODKA MAN
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
