She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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