is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
