Already got asked if we're dating
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
