She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
